I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
