After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
