my phone needs a breathalizer
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize