it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize