My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
