oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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