chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
