I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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