We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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