I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
