i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
