We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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