chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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