Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
