Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
