what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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