i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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