Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Drunk is not a location!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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