We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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