cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
