I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
40s are totally the cure
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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