she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
