And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
