i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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