This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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