I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
