If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
