I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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