i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
