i think my tv is drunk
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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