I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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