the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
