i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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