New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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