butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My liver just broke up with me...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
