You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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