yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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