too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
