So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
