so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
