the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
