Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
false alarm. still invincible.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize