Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
