If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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