Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
