we have officially lost it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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