i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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