The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
