do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
