And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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