Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
