Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
