Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
