cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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