did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
