I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
