school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
