There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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