like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
