By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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