I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
