please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
