is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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