Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
