She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
