I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And then he peed in my hair
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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