Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
