We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
