I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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