Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You made out with two different species that night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
