Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
