I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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