My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
