Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
