i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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