I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
