Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
